Halo is a TV show that exists.

War Crimes are bad.

The first episode of the very long awaited Halo(tm) show is out, and I have some thoughts, as delivered while watching the show.

Spoilers Ahead.

• Never trust Burn Gorman.
• This show definately isn’t trying to get down to an M rating.
• Sound and special FX are fairly accurate to the games, which is nice.
• Why do guns that have no effect on Covenant Elites become automagically more powerful once a Spartan holds them?
• What the fuck is up with the Elite’s armour, it’s worse than the Halo 5 designs.
• Never trust Burn Gorman.
• Elites are dumb as fuck; “Hey there’s these four Spartans killing everything I’m going to ignore them and try to kill a girl under a truck instead”.
• That’s not Halsey’s character in the slightest. (Game Halsey: “Fuck you I do what I want.” Show Halsey: “Yes maam, I am your faithful servant who does whatever I want but secretly”)
• High Charity looks like a goddamn mushroom.
• The Prophets’s design is fine, I guess. The human character makes no sense considering the mainline story of how the Covenant works and what the Prophets want to do but whatever. That outfit is ridiculous. “Oh, she’s reading a human book? Take your bets on when she flips sides!”
• This is also not Miranda Keyes. (Game Miranda: “Nobody dies on my watch, and fuck the Covenant” Show Miranda: “I’m sad that we commit War Crimes”)
• Oh god whenever John talks or walks my subwoofer goes nuts.
• This is NOT FUCKING JACOB KEYES EITHER. (Game Keyes: “Nobody dies on my watch except for me!” Show Keyes: “Whoops, this teenage girl is slightly difficult to handle, time to kill her!”)
• Okay John has a joke that’s actually kind of funny.
• Why did they write the UNSC as complete bastards?
• Even Parangosky isn’t really right. (Book Parangosky: “Fuck you, I do what I want.” Show Parangosky: “Gotta look good for the cameras!”)
• Hey a suitup sequence, nice.
• Why do they keep calling a Pelican a Condor? (looks it up, oh, a Condor is a long range Pelican.)
  
  
• Oh boy that was awful , I want to see more.
  
  
  
  
• Also Mass Effect reference lol.